


Ghosts of the Past

by Chikabiddy



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Not A Fix-It, Sad Ending, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 00:26:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chikabiddy/pseuds/Chikabiddy
Summary: A year after Logan's death, Veronica decides to take the honeymoon they never got by herself.





	Ghosts of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: I absolutely hate s4 and this is in NO WAY an endorsement for Rob’s trash work. However, ghost smut was requested, so ghost smut you get. But ghost smut means the parameters I had to work in were not ideal. This is not a fix-it or a happy ending. 
> 
> ps - Rob Thomas is trash and doesn’t deserve Veronica and Logan anymore. I’ve taken them away from him. This is our sandbox now.
> 
> pps - this is my absolute first attempt at smut. So... sorry in advance.

_ Insomnia’s a bitch _. Veronica rubbed at her dry and weary eyes, trying to will herself capable of the drive she had ahead. She’d been lucky to get 30 minutes of nightmare free, fit-free sleep the night before. Her sunken, pallor face reflected the effect her lack of real rest had on her. If she had to weigh what was wearing most, the fatigue was almost as bad as her guilt.

She wondered for the thousandth time if she’d ever be okay. It had been a year. A whole hellish, pointless year. She talked to Jane today, right before she left town, and got exactly what she expected: pointless words of comfort that didn’t change anything. And a voicemail from Logan. Not for her, of course--for Jane. But still. _Logan_.

She was sure the only reason she wasn't sobbing in her car was she had nothing left to cry. _Whoever said trauma makes you stronger is an idiot_. Still, it was nice to hear such sweet words from Logan again. Nice to know he thought she could overcome anything, even though she wouldn't overcome this.

It was supposed to be their first anniversary tomorrow and they never even got to take their honeymoon. So Veronica decided to take their honeymoon herself, even though it was a year too late. _Don’t they always say ‘better late than never’?_ She wasn't sure the sentiment applied here, but she was willing to try anything. Drifting day to day as a shell wasn’t any kind of life and she really, really needed to get back to living.

The drive to Sedona was longer than she’d wanted. Her first choice was to drive straight through, but her current sleep-deprived state made that a dangerous option. Instead, she found a little run-down motel outside of Blythe and settled in for another sleepless night.

She'd checked in, got to her room, and laid down in bed and three, two, one… The flashbacks of her biggest regrets started their usual loop, _right on schedule_, and Veronica crushed the palms of her hands against the stream: dancing with Leo, being too busy for a Skype call, LEO, the backpack… that stupid backpack.

“Veronica.”

_Well, this is new._

She pressed her hands harder into her eyes, like somehow that would silence him. While she dreamt of him often, the few times her mind actually allowed her to dream, he’d never come to her, never spoken. She hadn’t realized how much of a mercy his lack of lingering with her had been. Hearing his voice made her feel worse than ever, and she was barely holding on before.

_Go away, go away, go away… _

“Ve_ronica_.”

A strangled laugh escaped her. The inflection was so stereotypically Logan, she thought her heart might stop. She scrubbed her hands down her face, breathing out in a harsh puff of air. She really should have expected this, given what happened after Lilly. After a year of nothing, though, she thought maybe Lilly had been a weird fluke.

She cracked an eye and there he was, standing at the foot of her bed, hands tucked into the back pockets of his form-fitting jeans. He looked good, great even, and as solid as ever. At his sheepish grin, she threw an arm over her eyes, groaning. Lilly was bad enough--had hurt enough--but this was something else entirely.

“You’re not really here,” she managed to croak out, keeping her eyes covered. Trying desperately to mitigate the pain she knew was coming.

He didn’t respond. She hoped maybe that meant she had her mind back under control. Instead, she felt the bed dip, and his soft lips pressed tenderly against her forehead. _Another fun, new quirk. Come on, brain! Work with me, here._ She was trying, really and truly trying, to keep herself together.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered into her hair.

Gritting her teeth against the lump in her throat, she spat back, “Hard to miss someone when you’re dead.” She found that now she’d started, it was hard to stop. “You got off easy, Logan. You got to go... wherever you’ve gone, and I’m stuck here. I have to live. Every day, I have to get up and go on without you.”

He moved away from her, and it was crazy how much she missed his closeness, even the fake closeness of a specter. She removed her arm from across her face and glared up at him, choosing anger as the easier of the emotions warring for control.

“And don’t give me that ‘you have to be okay, for me’ crap,” she dismissed before he could even vocalize what all dead lovers come back to say.

“I’m not here for that.”

His voice was as soft as ever and she was mad he hadn’t changed a bit. He was dead, after all; shouldn't that change something? _I guess not, since it's all in my head. Of course, he's exactly how I remember. _

She sat up in bed, hating herself for conjuring this figment, and hating herself more for wanting it to stay. “Why else would I be imagining you now? A whole year later?”

He flashed his “I know something you don’t know” grin, which made holding onto the anger easier. He didn’t offer any explanation though, settling for a shrug of his shoulders. She wanted to hit him. She wanted to hug him. Mostly, she didn’t want to touch him and get confirmation he was all in her head.

Reading her like he always had, he reached for her hand and fiddled with her fingers. She stared at their joined hands. His hand felt warm and solid. Entirely, blessedly solid.

“Forehead kisses, remember?” His voice was soft and warm and the lump in her throat grew 10 sizes.

She choked back a sob and crashed into him, gripping the front of his blue cotton shirt. It was impossible, she knew, that he was here. Same as it had been impossible with Lilly. But here he was, all the same. She realized she didn’t care. It didn’t matter why. _He’s here._ He smelled of the ocean and summer, and exactly how she remembered.

In the back of her mind, she knew nothing good could come of this. She knew it would hurt twice as much tomorrow. But she just wanted a night to forget; one night where her grey world had a splash of color. _Damn the consequences. _

The circles he rubbed on her back dipped lower and she shuddered at the contact. She hadn’t been touched, not like this, since Logan… well, it didn’t matter. He was here now. She could touch him, and be touched by him, again.

“Logan,” she breathed, controlling the threatening tears.

The calmer she felt, the more she craved closeness. She wanted to feel him, remember how his skin moved under her fingers, how his muscles tensed and flexed in reaction to her, how free and alive she felt under his touch.

She ran her hand up around his neck, pulling him to her lips. Desperation, devastation, and longing poured between them, a shared message in the action. He moved to roll on top of her, but she pushed him back, straddling his hips.

She needed to control something, in a time when nothing felt manageable. He felt so real beneath her. _If this is what I get for losing my mind, I wish I’d done it sooner. _

Moving her hands up under his shirt, she traced the lines of his stomach. His chiseled form felt the same as always.

“God, I’ve missed this.”

He folded his arms behind his head, smirking up at her. “You always did love me for my body’”

The unfamiliar feel of a returned smirk pulled at her lips, catching her off guard. When was the last time she smirked at anyone? It couldn’t have been so long that she’d forgotten how it felt. _Analyze later. _

“It’s one of the many perks.” She choked a little around the words. Focusing back on his torso, she frowned down at his shirt. Catching the hem as she continued running her hands up his chest, she worked to push it over his head.

He lifted up slightly, helping her as she halted mid removal to appreciate the unobstructed view. She leaned down and kissed right over his heart, lingering to feel the steady thump. She didn’t let herself dwell on the fact that the thump never came.

Logan lighted his hands on her waist, making small circles with the pads of his thumbs. She shivered at the contact. Leaning back, she studied his chest, his shoulders, the shape of his arms as she ran her hand along each curve of his well-toned muscles. If this was her last time to touch him, she wanted to make it count.

Muscles tensed and vibrated beneath her touch, but Logan made no move to stop her or change her pace. He kept his hands at her waist and seemed content to watch. Veronica took her time examining him. Whenever she’d fantasized about seeing him again, they’d always fallen into fast and passionate sex. It surprised her to find that she didn’t want to jump him now and talk later. She wanted to take her time and enjoy him as long as possible.

Her hands dipped down to the zipper of his pants and his already hard member twitched up to meet her. It thrilled her to know he wasn’t as collected as his face made it appear. She stroked the front of his pants before unhooking the button and sliding the zipper down. Logan, eager as ever, moved to help her. She grabbed his upper arms to steady herself as he lifted his hips to slide off his jeans.

A jolt of pleasure shot to her core as he rubbed against her. Her breath caught as the familiarity gripped like a vice on her heart. _Stop it!_ She closed her eyes and shook her head against the bitter truth that this was temporary. Logan’s hands gripping her chin helped draw her focus back to him.

She opened her eyes to see the apology written across his features.

“Don’t,” she whispered around the tighness in her throat. “Please don’t.”

She needed a bubble, protection against what was logically true, so she could just let go and enjoy what was now. His puppy dog eyes threatened to pop the bubble. He closed his eyes, keeping hold on her face and she took a moment to lock the side of her that couldn’t suspend reality tightly away.

Logan’s hands drifted back to her waist as she leaned down to press her lips to his. He wrapped his arms around her and crushed her into him. Veronica let her hands wander over his pecs, down his abs, and back up to his face. Their kiss deepened as he teased his tongue into her mouth.

His hands trailed up her back, fisting in her hair and pulling her closer. He seemed as desperate for her as she was for him. Breaking their kiss to catch her breath, Logan took the opportunity to strip off her shirt. She dropped her head back with a groan as he palmed one of her breasts through the thin fabric of her bra.

Veronica rocked against his erect length in return. Moving his hands back to her hair, Logan pulled her mouth to his with a groan.

“Veronica,” he breathed her name into her mouth.

His hands moved down to her pants. Rather than pulling the fabric down, he stroked her over her clothes.

“Tease.” She smiled through the kisses.

He continued to caress her, though he made no move to remove her pants. The contact wasn’t enough, she wanted more. Wiggling against his hand, she tried to will him to give more, bring her closer, without voicing the desire.

Dragging his hand over her again, Logan laughed. “All you have to do is ask, Veronica.”

She glared at him, but the momentary ire faded as he grabbed the waistband of her pants and helped her slide them down over her hips. She was glad the awful tracksuit was useful for something more than being tolerable travel clothes, though she still had to do an awkward half stand on the bed to get them fully off.

The hem of the right leg trapped her toe and Logan caught her as she tipped over. He took the opportunity to roll on top of her.

He gazed down at her, adoration shining in his eyes.

“Perfect.”

She felt a desperate need to be close to him, be one with him. She kicked at the last pant leg but failed to fully free herself from the fabric. Logan took pity on her flailing and moved from his perch atop her to help remove the offending article of clothing.

Pants tossed aside, Logan settled himself between her thighs and stroked his hands up along her legs. His fingers ghosted along the line of her underwear, before dipping under the band and sending them to join her pants. Veronica purred and laid back to enjoy his touch.

Moving up the bed, he continued tracing patterns and making her skin tingle. He lay over her and kissed his way up to her mouth while he brushed his hands along her collarbones and over her shoulders. Slight pressure on her back encouraged her to lift up, deepening their kiss. Logan slid his hands to the clasp of her bra and unhooked it in a quick, fluid motion.

Veronica slipped the straps over her shoulders and down her arms, passing it to Logan to add to the pile of clothes already on the floor.

He pulled back away from her, hungry eyes trailing down her body before looking back at her with his 100-watt smile.

“Perfect,” he said again.

Veronica positioned herself beneath him, wrapping her legs around him, but he pushed them back to the bed. She quirked her brow at him, but he ignored her, focusing instead on kissing his way back down her body. A kiss on her left breast, on her right, on her sternum, on her ribs, right over her belly button, working down farther until he nipped softly to the left of her mound.

He continued his backward crawl, placing tender nips and kisses all the way until he got to the foot of the bed. After moving to stand, he reached up and gripped her hips, pulling her down to the edge to meet him. He kissed up her left leg, running his hand up her leg to cup her ass.

Her legs fell open as kisses turned to licks. Veronica gasped in pleasure as his tongue teased at her swollen core. Veronica shuddered, fisting her hands into his hair but he pulled back slightly rather than following the pressure of her hands.

“Tease,” she accused again.

“You said that earlier,” he said, gently placing a kiss on her right thigh. “I’d hate to disappoint.”

Trailing his lips just past the last kiss, he sucked on her skin. She moaned, relaxing back into the bed. Logan tongued her slit, reaching up with his fingers to push lips back and caught her nub gently with his teeth. Veronica gasped in surprise and lifted her hips to meet him. He sucked softly on her and she felt tension building. Her hands flew to the bed, gripping the sheet to stay grounded.

Logan moved his hands to her inner thighs and pushed her legs fully apart. His mouth covered her hot core completely, sucking greedily while teasing her clit with his tongue. He continued his attentions, and tingling started building at her toes and quickly spread through her. Pressure built and Veronica pressed into him, trying to generate additional friction.

One of his hands slid up to her nipple and pinched. Veronica cried out as the contact pushed her over the edge to climax. With one hand on her nipple, he used the other to lightly pressed down on her hips, keeping her from bucking away as the waves crashed over her.

She looked down and found he was watching her, noting every change to know when to adjust or move or release. As her spasms crested from ones of pleasure to overstimulation, he became more gentle, releasing the suction and dragging his tongue through her folds once, twice, a third time before settling away from her with a last kiss to her thigh.

Veronica reached for his hand, guiding him back to her mouth.

“God, I love you,” he growled.

She placed a hand on each cheek with vulnerable admiration, looking into his eyes. “I love you.”

He lowered his face to hers again and pressed his erection to her wet core. She jumped, a slight giggle escaping as he stimulated her already too-sensitive bundle of nerves. He rubbed into her, flashing his mischievous grin and she pushed at his shoulders.

“Rude,” she snarked. He trailed kisses up her neck. “You,” kiss, “love,” kiss, “me,” kiss, “anyway,” kiss.

She ran her hands up over his shoulder blades, into his hair and pressed herself to him.

“Always.”

Sliding her feet up the bed and bending her knees to frame herself around Logan, she centered her hips with his. His cock aligned with her core and she rocked against his erection.

“Veronica” he groaned.

“I need you, Logan.”

He dropped his hand down and positioned himself at her entrance. She held his gaze as he thrust into her. Her walls tightened around him reflexively, eyes shut, body going slack against the bed at the sensation of him filling her.

The thrusts were slow at first and sped as Logan built to his own climax. She brought her eyes back to him, holding his gaze steady as he continued pounding into her. As her own pleasure started to build, she brought her face to his, kissing him fiercely. She poured a year of longing, a year of love and loss into every tease of the tongue, every moment her lips crashed into his. Each kiss, each thrust, each touch communicating the same thought: _I miss you. _

Logan looped an arm around her back, repositioning her hips and rocked in the way he knew created lovely friction on her clit. The tension grew again, and she knew she was close.

He brought his lips to her ear. “I love you, Veronica.”

She called his name as his words pushed her over the edge. Seconds after reaching her own climax, she felt him shudder to his own release. They collapsed into each other, Logan wrapping his other arm around her and burying his head into her shoulder. After breathing together a moment, he pulled back.

Protesting him shifting away, Veronica snuggled into his chest, tightening her legs which were still wrapped around him to keep him pinned on top of her. He moved his arms from around her and leaned onto one elbow, putting all his weight onto that arm. With the other, he cupped her cheek tenderly.

"You haven't been sleeping," he noted, tracing his thumb under her eye. He always did read her so well.

"Good thing too," she quipped, closing her eyes against the warmth of his hand. "You wouldn't be here if I were."

“Hey.” He stroked her chin, tilting her face and forcing her to open her eyes. “It’s okay to not be okay.”

She felt like crying again and the bliss she’d been feeling disappeared into anger because it just wasn't fair.

“You don’t have to be okay,” he continued as he brushed her hair from her face.

She dropped her head to his neck, and let herself go. Her chest felt so tight she thought she might never breathe again. His strong arms wrapped around her, rolling them onto their sides and pulling her closer as he whispered softly in her hair. She couldn’t make out what he was saying, just reveled in being back in his arms. He didn’t push her, didn’t tell her she was being dramatic, didn’t try to tell her how to feel, he just held her until she fell asleep.

Veronica woke the next morning to a cold and empty bed, Logan nowhere to be seen. She blinked back tears. _Figured I’d be out of those by now._ Dragging her hands down her face, she tried to prepare to get up, go on, _again_, without him. The vice grip on her heart tightened and she struggled to breathe. She couldn’t go on like this, couldn’t keep living a half-life. She was stuck and couldn’t find a way out. She needed him, _wanted_ him, more than ever before.

She reached out to where he’d been the night before.

“Come back to me,” she pleaded to the empty room.

In the stillness, she could have sworn she heard his voice, whispering his promise from long ago:

_Always._

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my lovely betas for their invaluable help, beta work, and talking me down from my pity party tower and convincing me not to trash the whole thing.


End file.
